God, if you are there, proove it!

I can't begin to tell you how many times I have thought this. Things get difficult, and I think, "Where is God? Surely he can't be sitting back letting me deal with this!" I know, I know....not the most spiritual or mature way of thinking. I mean, the whole point of religion is to have FAITH. Which means that when things get rough I should know that it is all part of a bigger plan. But somehow, in the heat of whatever is going on in my life, I start to wonder if God is actually watching, or if he is like most other men, unable to multi-task and therefore persistently distracted at the most inopportune times.

Recently I have been reminded that God is in fact watching, and does indeed know what we need.

Since Aiden was born December 19th 2007 sleep has been anything but plentiful. In fact moments when he isn't fussing or needing to be held are few and far between. Such a different baby than Raleigh - she was the queen of mellow and rarely required rocking or being held. Not to say we didn't hold her, because we did plenty of snuggles and kisses with her, but we could get other things done during the day. With AIden it has been a challenge just to get ready for work by 5 pm.

Needless to say as the past 10 weeks have plugged along, I have had times of extreme frustration. Since I'm home with them all day, and then work from 6-10 pm, I rarely get a break from the crying, fussing, throwing up (reflux, ugh!) etc. I was getting really frustrated. Just at the pinnacle of my frustration I heard about two very devastating pregnancies. One of my close friends lost her baby at 24 weeks, and another girl, a student of mine, lost her baby around the same gestational age. As a mother, I could barely think of a more heart wrenching thing. I think once you have children you start to put yourself in the place of other parents when things like this happen - and I honestly don't know how I could go on everyday.

I started to think, it is definitely not a coincidence that both women wound up telling me about their experiences. I'm sure this was God, telling me to quit whining about my little problems and look at the blessing we have been given.

And I have been doing that ever since. The moment I start to feel frustrated, I snuggle Aiden and tell him what an adorable "little man" he is. How much his mommy and daddy love him. And then I thank God for the blessing of a beautiful baby boy.


OK, and I sneak in an extra prayer that he'll stop fussing and sleep through the night!